Late Night Ramblings
So I have 9 days til I move in and I have complete mixed feelings. This past week I had the absolute motive to hang out with all of my close friends for these last two weeks. Well week one is practically done and I’ve hung out with no one. Yep no one. Its not like I haven’t told them lets hang out, its just that they aren’t interested. I wanted to hang out with one of them who is leaving this sunday, but she completely blew me off. She even went as far to canceling our plans for the night before she leaves. Then another one of my friends I asked to hang out with, and she starts making the same exact plans with someone else and stops texting me back. There is another friend, but that story is too freaking long and I don’t find a point of getting into it.
As confusing as it is, I seriously want to thank them for showing me their true colors. And I also want to tell them to go fuck themselves. Its true, I have had a lot of fake, shitty friends throughout the years. A lot. And the fucked up part is that I cared about them a lot. I put them first, before anyone. But I’m going to take this as a lesson to be careful. Be careful who you trust. Be careful when it comes to loving people because in the end, people are going to turn on you.
Of course not all of my friends are like this. I only have a select true few that I know will always have my back no matter what. And for that, I’m grateful. Hopefully, in college I can add more to that list.
So I have 22 days until I leave for Bing. 22 FREAKING DAYS!! A part of me can’t wait (as I keep telling my mom at least 5x a day; i know its mean, but she’s acting like a jerk lately), but another part of me is hyperventilating. I mean I thought I was ready to grow up and all that jizz, but I’m not. I can’t even do my freaking laundry by myself for god’s sake. I mean I know how to do it, I’ve just never done it. See what I mean though? I’m freaking out about freaking laundry.
And another thing, the freaking classes at Bing are gonna be no joke. Practically everyone in my school is smart as hell, so what if I can’t catch up? What if I end up failing and disappointing myself and my family? Basically, what the fuck did I get myself into? Of course, there is no need for profanity, but I’m so nervous, it’s crazy. The funny part is I just feel like it just hit me or something. Yesterday, I definitely didn’t feel this way. I felt content. Happy, even. What do I feel now? Dread. Like everything is ending. The crazy thing is I wanted high school and just my life in my town to end. I wanted to start fresh. For the first time, I’m getting what I truly want. Hopefully, this feeling goes away once I’m back on campus.
Hopefully, I get my shit together because whether or not I’m ready for it, it’s coming. College.